Turns out, most people don’t want your solutions—they want something else entirely.

So, a few months back, a friend called me out of the blue.
She starts dumping all her drama on me—every little detail.
I’m listening… waiting… thinking, Okay, cool, let’s wrap this up.
When she finally takes a breath, I hit her with a simple two-step solution.
And what does she do?
Completely ignores it. Keeps whining.
I tell her again: “Look, the solution to your problem is right here. I just gave it to you.”
She doesn’t care. Completely ignores what I just told her. Keeps talking. Same problem. Same drama.
A few days after, another friend calls. Same thing—unloads his mess on me.
So, like before, I give him a clear, no-nonsense solution.
And guess what? He blows it off, too. Just keeps talking. Over and over.
How do I know my solution is the right one? Because I’ve been in their shoes before. I experienced the same problems and solved them.
At this point, I’m thinking: What the hell is going on here?
See, here’s the deal: People who give advice—like me—are bad communicators (for these types of people).
Why?
Because we give people what we think they need, not what they actually want.
Let me break it down for you.
Those two friends? They didn’t call me for a solution.
They called because they needed to vent. They wanted someone to listen, nod along, and make them feel understood.
Not once in their entire rant did they ask me to solve their problems or give them advice.
But I completely disregarded that. I wasn’t listening.
Problem is, I’m wired differently.
When I call my friends—the ones I trust—I don’t want them to listen to me whine.
I want a damn solution. I need a fresh perspective. I want to fix the problem and move on.
So naturally, I assume everyone else wants the same.
But nope. Most people aren’t looking for solutions.
They just want to dump their emotional garbage on you, get it off their chest, and feel better.
Does it solve anything? No.
But for them, that quick emotional release is enough.
The real kicker? The same problem—or something just like it—will pop up again. And they’ll repeat the cycle. Over. And. Over.
So, when I said we’re bad communicators, that’s not actually true. We’re problem solvers. The real problem is… no one asked us to solve anything.
If you’ve experienced this before and wondered why your friend isn’t listening to you or keeps ignoring your advice, now you know.
Give them what they need—not what you think they need
Igor “The Problem Solver” Stojadinović