I was in the middle of a heated argument with my friend.
Two hours in, neither of us was backing down.
We each had our arguments, evidence, and points of view, and things were getting seriously tense.
Then, out of nowhere, like a bolt of lightning piercing my brain, a story popped into my head—a story I’d read countless times but rarely applied.
Because, let’s be honest: when we argue, we all want to win.
We all want to be right.
But this story?
Well it teaches us different way.
It goes like this:
People would visit this beautiful monastery and marvel at how smoothly everything ran—how perfectly organized and peaceful it was.
And they noticed that the superior was the one responsible for keeping everything running so smoothly.
Naturally, they’d ask him, “How come you’re such a great success as a leader?”
And he’d smile and reply, “Oh, it’s simple. The formula is simple: I agree with everyone. I just agree with everyone.”
Confused, they’d push back, “That’s absurd! How can you possibly be successful by agreeing with everybody?”
And he’d calmly nod and say, “You’re absolutely right. How could I possibly be successful, agreeing with everybody?”
Arguments often don’t change minds—no matter how true your points are, people just want to feel right. Sometimes, the best thing to do is simply let it go.
Why We Cling So Tightly to Being Right
The answer lies in social dynamics—the way we interact and influence each other—and in how our brains are wired, with our identity, emotions, and biases shaping how we process information.
1. Cognitive Bias
We naturally seek out and accept information that confirms our existing beliefs—while dismissing or ignoring what contradicts them. This creates a feedback loop where being “right” feels justified, even when it’s not.
2. Cognitive Dissonance
When our beliefs are challenged, it creates psychological discomfort. To ease that tension, we often double down on our stance rather than admit we might be wrong—because changing our minds can feel like a threat to our internal consistency.
3. Ego and Identity
Being “right” often feels tied to our self-worth. Admitting we’re wrong can feel like a personal failure. Our beliefs become part of our identity—so questioning them feels like an attack on who we are. In many arguments, people aren’t defending ideas—they’re defending their ego, their identity, or their tribe. That makes persuasion much harder.
4. Sunk Cost Fallacy
The more time, energy, or reputation we invest in a belief, the harder it becomes to let go. Admitting we’re wrong feels like wasting that investment.
5. Fear of Uncertainty
Admitting error forces us into the unknown. Certainty—even false certainty—provides a sense of control in a chaotic world.
6. Backfire Effect
Sometimes, presenting strong evidence can actually make someone double down on their beliefs. This is called the backfire effect—the more you challenge their views, the more they cling to them.
7. Social Standing
Being right often brings validation, status, or a sense of control. In arguments—especially online—being “right” can be a form of power or credibility. So we cling to it.
When Letting Go Is the Best Move
- Sometimes, preserving the relationship is more valuable than winning the argument.
- Letting go doesn’t mean you’re wrong—it can mean you’re choosing wisdom, peace, or emotional intelligence over a hollow victory.
So yes—sometimes the best thing to do is to let it go. Not because you’re wrong, but because being right isn’t always worth the cost.
